I am now back in Bristol following a week in 'Norn Iron.' It was absolutely lovely to meet old & new friends through the events'. Thank-you so much for support and I really hope that something I said or that you have since read has been helpful to you or your loved one.
Recently it has really struck me how many different people are affected by post-natal depression, as I not only spoke to women with post-natal depression but also concerned supporters such as husbands, brothers, aunts and neighbours. Most folk are keen to know what helped me out of my wild place. Thus this week's blog is a wee synopsis of some of the steps that, as discussed in my book, led me to a brighter place.
- Continuing to practice my faith, through praying, attending Church and a mums' group, helped me to maintain Christian hope & resist the lure of Despair, (even though at times I felt as if God and his people had abandoned me).
- Medication and professional help. Finding the right medication and a good psychiatrist were a really important part of my recovery, but even the initial not-so-brilliant treatments helped release me from my 'crater'.
- Practical and Emotional support from family and friends, e.g. help to clean my house, support to look after Katherine when I attended appointments or a compassionate listening ear at the end of a phone all gave me strength to take vital steps out of my depression.
- Taking small risks when able, e.g. going to the supermarket, meeting up with friends for short periods, taking a daily rest, all led me to recover so that I could take bigger steps e.g. facing my fears in counseling, learning new skills to challenge negative thinking through cognitive behavioural therapy and attending a british sign language class. All of these helped me to renew my confidence, feel more hopeful and thus climb out of my depression.
A couple of extras steps, (not in the book);
- A morning shower. During my depression coincidently we got a new shower and I discovered that if I had a drenched myself with warm water every morning it helped me feel a little better. Often I prayed that as the water covered me that the Holy Spirit would also cover and protect me.
- Going to the cinema alone! Some evenings I felt so awful that I just needed to spontaneously escape from my mental captors (whose voices seemed louder when I was at home in the evening) so when Steve returned from work I set off to the cinema alone! I found a large cinema screen demanded my attention and a girly film helped me cry. Because I found it hard to predict my desperate feelings, often my need to get out did not coincide with others availability and I became comfortable with only my personal selection of sugary 'Pic & Mix' in hand!
Maybe you would like to share what steps have led you through your depression to a brighter place? If so I, and I am sure many others, would be thrilled to read your comments.
Was lovely to meet up again, and great to see you blogging too!
I love your practical tips for getting through.
Something I learned to do was to make a list of even the most basic of tasks - empty the dishwasher etc, and cross out anything I completed. At the end of the day I could see I had at least achieved something, and had a sense of accomplishment.
Looking forward to more from you - no pressure!
I'm pleased you've included these practical tips. They may seem like quite small things when in the midst of the illness, but looking back I can see how they helped me through some of the darkest days of my depression.
Some of the things that helped me most were:
Music - on the days when I found it really hard to think of anything good or hopeful, I found listening to uplifting music sometimes enabled me to see a glimmer of hope. I found it useful to have a special CD ready for these times.
Walking - some days it was impossible for me to leave the house, but when I was able to force myself out then I found that the regular pattern of a long walk with the baby in the buggy calmed my mind and body. Praying as I walked was also helpful for me.
Extra help at home - we couldn't really afford it at the time as we were just starting a new business and had only just bought our very tiny flat but we decided to spend some money on a lovely nanny/mothers help who could come in early in the morning when my husband went to work to be with me and help me with the baby, shopping, cleaning and just to make sure I was OK. She was amazing and the best investment we ever made in our family as she became my helper, my friend and at times my absolute life saver. It meant cutting back on other things but we have never regretted it and she ended up staying with us when I went back to work and for nine years. I think many mothers are living away from their families as I was in London, and it can feel very lonely at times. She really took on the role that my extended family would have taken, if I had been living closer to them.
One to One listening and prayer - I was very privileged to meet a lovely lady at my church who offered to spend time with me each week to talk, listen and pray. She always seemed to have a piece of the bible that spoke to me and she was gentle and sensitive and gave me the time and space to think, question and cry. Having a regular slot each week was important to me as it gave me a focus each week and I would recommend trying to find someone like 'my Anne' if you are in the midst of depression at the moment. The charity Hopesplace in Bristol offers one to one listening support (www.hopesplace.org.uk) and I would also suggest popping into your local church to ask if they can help you with this. That is exactly what I did and how I found my lovely Anne.
Psalm 91 - Given to me by Anne and the Psalm that I read at anytime when I felt that I just could not go on. It speaks of God's protection and shelter from harm and at the times when I felt very afraid reading this Psalm and really holding onto the promises in it, helped me to feel safe and held by him.