Feeling the need to blog! Felt a bit churned up earlier to-day. Received my issue of Christianity Magazine yesterday and read the feature about me in The Day I..... Cringed! Although Ruth Dickinson writes well, I guess I have been telling myself that most people have not read the book and therefore my story is not that well known. However now I reckon more folk might read the magazine article and suddenly I feel more exposed. Coupled with the fact that I knew my interview with Jeff Lucas and Ruth Dearnley was being aired this evening on Premier Radio, I was left with mixed emotions.
Although it has been great to have been given the chance by IVP to get my writing published and to speak of it on the radio with Jeff and Ruth (even if I did get into a right old fuss about what to wear for the radio interview and ended up buying a top in Asda the night before at 10pm!) ... it is not always easy to think of people knowing my story: I am not proud of aspects of it, in fact in some ways it is hard to stand by my own truth.
Yet when I turn my attention away from my feelings towards those who are suffering from similiar afflictions I feel differently: Only this evening did I visit a Christian friend in a secure mental health unit and suddenly my bruised ego melted away. Hearing the nurse's keys jangle as she walked the length of the ward towards me, to let me in, was enough to remind me that I narrowly missed hospital admission myself and how awful it is to be in a state of mental collapse.
I may smart at times with the sting of my story, but if it can act as a balm to soothe the aloneness and terror of another's mental turmoil - then it is totally worth it.
I don't blame you for feeling more exposed, but I hope you have no regrets as your story and message are important, and the more women who get to hear of your book, the more can be helped.
Hugs and prayers.
Thanks JM, absolutely no regrets, in fact on reflection I am reminded that I have gained so much from the experience not least because I love the opportunities it has given me to talk to others about their journeys. Just every now and again the thought of others reading it causes me to wince! Thanks so much for your comments, I really appreciate them. Hz :)