My daughter is still on Easter school holidays, so thought I would enter into the spirit of things and eat a chocolate cream egg while I blog.... bliss. (I have promised myself that I will make good use of the sugar boost that is coming my way and use it to do lots of housework!)
We are just back from ten days in Ireland, it was lovely - a time to relax with family and friends. (Though we missed seeing some friends - JanMary.) I was thrilled to get the opportunity to meet a number of my Southern Irish relatives, whom I have not seen for a long time. It was really lovely to see them again and meet their children. Many of them have read my book and wanted to talk to me about it and although initially I was cringing and worrying about their response to it - I need not have worried as they were all very supportive and encouraging.
However following these conversations it occurred to me that since publication people often ask me the same question "How are you now?" and it has made me wonder if I should have included more about life 'beyond the edge' in the book. So incase you have wanted to ask the same question, I thought I would blog my response. It went something like this....
"I am doing well thanks, I am busy working part-time as a teaching assistant in a school for Deaf Children and doing other bits and pieces linked to the book. I don't see myself as suffering from depression at the moment but I do recognise that I have to pace myself in order to feel well. I have learnt over the years that even exciting and energising activities can leave me feeling very low afterwards - it is as if my brain is like a leaky petrol tank and needs refilled more often than most. This means taking time out to rest. My OCD is good at the moment: Stress is a big trigger and if I pace myself well and don't have to face too many challenges - I am not bothered with intrusive thoughts or cyclical anxious thinking on a daily basis."
In saying that I did have a blip the other night. I had what felt like a migraine headache (I don't usually get them) and suddenly felt as if a wall of fear fell on top of me, heavy frightening thoughts of impending doom. As I lay in the dark, fully clothed and unable to move due to immense pain and acute nausea, I cried out to God and asked him to lift each fear off me. It was as if He moved among them and whilst reassuring me of his presence, discarded them as rubble. The pain did not leave instantly, but I felt more at peace in it.
So how am I now? Generally good I would say, with wobbly moments and although I would prefer to report that I am super-strong all of the time I can see that God uses my vulnerabilities to keep me humbly relying on Him.
